Hello & welcome (:
Goodbye if it's not fun.

i simply thank EVERYONE who has been by my side supporting me and brightening up my day. even the slightest cheer up or take care really made me felt better. seriously. many many thanks.

to my dearest 3 ladies; bavani, grace & joycelyn who actually been there for me during lessons, breaks and everything in school to kill my daydreaming times, thanks alot. not forgetting the class boys and SMIT peeps (:

as for my dearest girlfriends, sanyo, weiping, minxiang & lovely fren(guess who!), thanks loads too. pearlyn told me this: "Cheer up girl, your roller coaster ride is just making its way down right now and it'll go up again sooner or later. it takes time, just tighten your seat belt now, dont fall off." darling, this is a great encouragement for me, really. thanks (:

now my mind is in a better state to blog, i jus wanna rant all my feelings over here.

maybe many of you will be commenting that im such a loser and only knows how to whine, cry and get attention. but all i can say it's that i had him and he was my best. so much so that i ever thought of going through old age and till the end with him. i swear this is no kiddy thoughts, just some real life thought that he's gonna be the one.

he might be the noisy-est ass that i've ever met but he's the one who can push me up. he took all my nonsense and went through with me for 11 mths (its a long period for me). he's the one who can take all my childish acts and go along with me. he could go along with me in debating childish topics about anything and everything. he teaches me alot of knowledgeable things he learnt from tv, internet, wadeva. he shares with me his favourite DEVIL MAY CRY game, how much he's in love with the main characters, esp the fingerings/models he bought which cost bomb. he loves to repeat acts by JEFF DUNMAN(go search if u dunno who). he loves watching discovery channel; MAN VS WILD, MYTH BUSTER and many more. he loves anything about fighting and admires CHUCK NORRIS(go figure who). he loves watching porn(i dun watch with him). he talks to me like nobody's business. he give me the attention i needed. he couldn't be the best romantic guy like those in dramas but he is the best lover to love me. HE IS THE BEST I COULD EVER ASK FOR and i felt special around him.

with all that said, i just couldn't accept the fact that i have lost him at the moment. i just need time to get through all this. so please forgive me, if any point in time i just break down and cry. its just my way to ease the pain.

pardon me please, really. it will be greatly appreciated.
people, if any of you still dunno, im fucking making a big announcement that jin and i are over. SO PLEASE FUCKING STOP BRINGING BOTH OF US INTO THE PICTURE. and pls kindly dun ask me what happen, i beg you. i wun be friendly if you do ask.

im hating this state of me.
i seriously hate it alot.
i hate making myself to sleep.
i hate going to school alone.
i hate going home alone.
I SIMPLY HATE BEING ALL ALONE!

if you were to ask if im okie, i can tell you hell, im not okie.

its jus makes me start thinking of shitty stuffs. all i wish now is to have a brainwash or maybe just lose my memory in any ways. even just by falling down, i just wish i'll get brain damages. feeling this way is the last thing that i ever want to experience. i can't listen in class, i can't think for my assignments. just fucking can't do anything but only whining and crying over here.

everything felt as though you're stranded on a ulu island, all by yourself. no food, no water, no love, NOTHING! you can only depend all on yourself for survival and someday, someone will come to rescue you. AND YOU WUN KNOW WHEN ON EARTH WILL THIS SOMEONE JUST COME.

all i ever hope now is that you would come to me and say you wun go no more. really, that's my only wish more than anything else. this is harder than i thought and it's going nowhere. i cant contact you, i cant hear you, i cant see you. i have no ways to have you back. all i can do is wait and worst, there's no promise you'll be back.

you all can say im self-pity-ing myself. but fuck, put urself into my shoes man. and this purpose of post is not gain sympathy from any of you, instead, im looking for someone who can fucking wake me up to reality and prevent me for being such a kiddo living in her oh-so-perfect-world. i wanna be carefree, happy-go-lucky, happy and anything that you can associated with happy! FUCK!

it seriously tough and i hate being like this. really hate it.... im seriously lost.
girlfriends, i need you all, like desprately.
i just need some time here and there.

anyways, dudes & babes,
now that my life have changed,
it's time for me to change too.

and guess what, my new goal,
IM GONNA WORK HARD AND GET 3.9 FOR MY GPA!

i really hope i have the determination which seems to never be there ):
kellyn, you're gonna be stronger than yesterday.
please tell me you still love me.
week two is coming to end already.
it was only yesterday i just start school, but week 3 is coming already!
TIME IS PASSING SO FAST! no wonder they say LIFE IS SHORT.

AND IM FEELING VERY VERY STRESS.
remembered if i ever mentioned about drawing module during my year one?
i thought it was only taking place during year one. and yes, I THOUGHT SO MUCH THAT NOW IM HAVING MORE DRAWING MODULE! but this time round is of higher level in which i'll be learning MATTE PAINTING!

if you don't know what's matte painting, then click here.

seen it? wanna start laughing at me? im laughing at myself already.
i mean it's like IM A SUPER LOUSY ARTIST or rather, im not even born an artist AND YET I HAVE TO DRAW SUCH STUFF! like WTF? i'll be learning all different drawing/painting techniques like SKETCHING, HATCHING, WATERCOLOUR PAINTING, MATTE PAINTING, etc.

NOW I SE-RIA-IOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS MY EMTREMES OF STRESS IM EXPRIENCING! damn it big!

i think im in the wrong course. but hell with it, im enjoying it at the same time.
IRONIC!

and yes yes, another obstacle that's affecting my studies -> my newly bought sims 2.
oh great, im sooooooooo dead.


as i have said this to some:

seriously, frankly and (whateva words that can be used to describe nothing but just the truth) speaking, it's time for us to stop being childish and thinking for ourselves.

its time to actually to forget

WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED

AND INSTEAD,

WE SHOULD BE WORKING HARD

FOR THE UPCOMINGS.

at this moment we keep holding grudges and hatred. and it's stuffs among us yet we're like affecting those innocent parties. if we're not willing to give/accept another chance to each other, this so called "war" will neva stop.

so let's TRY HARD AND WORK TOGETHER CAN?
"Expect not this place to give you peace and silence, but bring your own peace and silence when you enter.”

that's so true.

the post below might be offensive.
so don't start cursing me cos its my point of view
whereby all of you have already voice out yours.

there's too much in this world that makes me very very very very confused.
espeically very confused with human being, that includes myself of course.


to start on, i'll start to talk about myself.
(yes, myself and sorry if that makes you go "YOU? boring lah.")
alrite, my myself and i. i have loads of things i want in life.
YET, yet, im not working towards them.
i don't like to commit YET i want to be useful and help out.
there are just so many factors here and there which makes me don't want to commit.


EG1: im not confident that i'll do a good job.
EG2: im afraid of critisim behind me.
EG3: i can think but not smart.
EG3: joining another interest group (or know as CCA)
if i join another, it would occupy my late evenings till night of a day or even weekends.
FURTHERMORE, my school work sucks and i really needa ALOT ALOT ALOT of concentration.

i know myself, i get distracted easily. SO, by having another thing to commit, i'll flunk my studies. and i really need weekends to work CAUSE IM SERIOUSLY HAVING A VERY BAD CASH FLOW. AND YES I KNOW, many of you will start saying, "THEN START WORKING ON YOUR TIME MANAGEMENT AND PLAN PROPERLY LAH!"


yes yes i know, time management. but people, i know me (althought sometimes i don't really know who i am. NOW SEE THAT'S WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY, IM CONFUSED OF MYSELF.)

probably in short, i can say that the word "BUT" is making me confused about myself. im the type who really really really tooooooooo stubborn to make a change out of myself. that's my bad i know. oh yes yes yes i suddenly think of the right word to use on me; CONTRIDICTION. i have this bad habit of contridicting myself and make myself confused.


alright, enough of myself. now onto humans!

thru this i-thought-fun-at-first-camp, i've seen alot of stuffs.
too much of a unpleasant stuffs in actual fact.
first, humans love to go around the bush.
second, humans love putting on masks and then takes it off behind you and start taking out the damn ducking huge knife and STAB!
third, humans love to hide their feeling, anger, hatred, happiness and yadah yadah.
fourth, humans love to ASSUME!
fifth to like many many more, too many to name them all of them at once now. but im sure u're getting the rough idea. if no, im sorry, my way of writing is really bad. my bad.


ANYWAYS, back to point. i've been seeing things and reading stuffs from some of us from the camp. i've seen hurtful blog posts, unfair blog posts, many many things are said whereby the actual person didnt actually appear at the scene and START MAKING ASSUMPTIONS!


i mean really lah, what's with humans now? we tend to do things without knowing its black and white. CANT WE ALL JUST LEAVE WITH HORMANY PEACE AND EQUALITY? REMEMBER OUR SINGAPORE PLEGE?





first day of skool.
hohoho~
one word to describe this very first day,
SUCKS!

jus only on the first day, and we're brief on our assignments already.
wtf you know?
and jus to share about what im going to learn for the next 2 years,
it would be filming production whereby im learning about shooting, lightings, yadah yadah about productions. and also visual effects whereby the real world meets 3D/ computer graphics.
sounds cool but ducking loads of hard work is needed.
lesser time for part time work and outings already!
NO LIFE, HELP ME!

the kind of pressure im facing now actually makes me wonder if i still have the passion for my course or not ): and that isn't good.

i miss those days whereby at least i get to see you once a day in skool ):
HEY YOU!
yes you!
ya lah, i said you!
I SAID YOU LAH!
yes yes, you!
YOU!!!!!
haiyo, yes, im saying you!!!!!!!!
ya, you, i want to tell you,
i miss you.
hehehehehehhehhehehehehehehe.
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

but i don't know how to love you more.
IM BACK AND FREE TO BLOG!


was back from camp since thursday(3rd) and slept alll the way to 11am plus this morning(4th). got up and slacked till 2pm and left house to skool for some trainings. AND HAD FUN AFTER IT. met up with some GLs and seniors to go for a senior; ikwan's gig performance at a cafe at SMU. had fun fun fun! pictures will tell stories which there are only two. too much fun to actually rememeber what are they la.




AND ON TO SOME PICS DURING CAMP!


my dearest group babies; MIRAGE


my partner and MIRAGE doing the sunshine pose.

i have to say, ALEX, thanks for being there for me like a real husband should do (: i really really appreciate alot and laods esp when my leg totally broke down. you did great job too! no one sees it but i did! (:

and to my babies MIRAGE! i post this on forum and here too but i dunno how many of you wil actually read this. but anyways, you boys and girls have open yourself better day after each. i was like totally sian diao when i get to see you all on first day. all quiet, don't want to talk and play and sing camp songs. but slowly as you guys get to bond things get better. you all are good kids, just need more time to improve in some ways. you guys are already 16 turning 17, SO BE MORE MATURE AND START THINKING MATURELY PLEASE (:

I LOVE YOU ALL AND GLAD TO HAVE U ALL AS MY GROUP MEMEBERS.


first day during station games.

followed by the reminding pictures for the amazing race where they have to interact with public pple to complete their tasks.





and finally to all GLS! YOU GUYS ROCKS MY SOCKS MAN! I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO! heck those who fucking look down on us. we did our best and we rocks! YEA! we had like only less than 10 hours of sleep for the whole 4 days of camps BUT WE FUCKING DID IT WITH OUR STRONG MINDS AND PHYSICAL!


pics above was during prep camp. we suffered, cried and had fun altogether and we is one now.

pics below are my dearest ladies after the actual camp. sorry guys we left you out. haha!



i sure had loads of exprience and learn to gain my endurance thru this whole campy thingy. but on the other hand i've lost some stuffs.

i need a new job now.
& girlfriends and groupie, im starting to getting distance from u guys. im sorry and i miss you guys ):