Hello & welcome (:
Goodbye if it's not fun.

catch new year's "DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS", you'll see SP students, im in there too!

hahahahh! my class and two other classes were invited to be audiences for the new upcoming variety show, "DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS" on channel 5 (dunno when gonna be telecast though). and we're lucky asses for this episode has got 3 participants are HOT BABES from mediacorp. they are JADE SEAH, ANDREA FONSEKA and FIONA XIE.

mainly thumbs up for JADE SEAH who has ESPEACIALLY HOT LEGS, NICE LONG HAIR, NICE SEDUCTIVE EYES and SEXY LIPS. i as high as when men see her la... really, no joke. then, another thumbs up for andrea for having the tall height and the out-going-im-not-scared-of-unglam character. fiona xie has jokes which are damn cold and her height really short but her beauty on her face was thumbs up.

all in all, a cool experience though it kinda became a tiring event at the end of the day.

but then, my day ended of with the small celebration with CHER PEIWEN and people!


good news: it's gonna be weekends very fast soon! and darling will be out again though having spent the whole day with him today.

bad news: after the coming weekend, darling will be out for field camp for about two weeks. im suppose to get used to all this shit, but it seems i still cant stand it having him to stay in camp for sooooo long. 7-8 MORE MONTHS! i can de la!

kellyn so strong la! =P
im sooooooooooooo dead.
i thought i won't but i kinda do.

SIYING I NEED YOUR EAR although you kinda heard it before...

DEEP SHIT I AM.

REPLIES TO TAGGERS : MANY MANY THANKS FOR THE ADVICES & ENCOURAGEMENTS (: APPRECIATE THEM GREATLY.

MJ, i think our father really can only love us the hard way.
MELISSA*, mel, i really miss secondary school, we only worry about olvls and nothing else.
BABA, i get what you mean la. it's just you know you know..
PASSERBY, im really thankful to have my daddy as my dad,
but would be better if he could love me the fatherly way. (:
JIN, dadadadadada, you know that i've tried to talk to my father alot of time, but always ended up with a heated quarrel. i already try my best to tell my reasons nicely, but he always dun agree and think he is right. so nothing else i can do already.
i can't wait to see you luhhhhh ):
YAGAMI, are you jiehui? if no, who are you ah?
but anyway, your phrase "crying is not weakness, it is a way of strong emotion" makes me feel better. thanks (:

back to blogging, my day today was A OKIE.
no troubles and feeling quite alright.
and ya, GEMS was SO FAR SO GOOD.
then, today's driving was rather smooth also,
no scoldings from daddy.
and i hope everyone of groupie are doing well in school,
and RP people enjoy your holidays alright?
i miss you guys and you, darling boy(:

to end off, i like this part of the lyrics of my one of my blog's song:
"I miss the sound of your voice, loudest thing in my head"
i was looking forward to be 18. now that i am, i hate it, loads.

just in this year of 2008, i've cried alot, as much as a baby does. im 18 already, yet i still cry like a fucking kid. if im lucky enough, i could already be a mother, YET I STILL CRY SO MUCH LIKE A BABY. just today i cried again becos dad rasied his voice to me when teaching me driving. in a way, im wrong, in another he is wrong too but he still has to be right. i really find it hard to please daddy. i can't seem to find any ways to make him proud of me. i can't find a way whereby he could reason out things nicely to me without rasing his voice. i don't know why he needs to love me the hard way. maybe to make me strong and independent. but just sometimes, i need some fatherly love too. but again, i know his is still my father and does what a father should do.

everytime, im telling myself im a fucking 18 year old young ADULT already. (forget about the word young that is)
but i just can't change my mindset to be one.
i have alot of immature thinking in my mind but i gotta act that im mature already.

THIS FUCKING WORLD IS ALL ABOUT ACTING.
you act extremely nice to get into the way you want to go.
you act cute to be cute (duh)
you act evil to make people fear you.
you act pityful to gain sympathy.
but one thing i don't mind acting. acting blur.
i don't mean those really stupid blur but acting blur in the meaning of "ignorance is bliss".

they say im dumb headed, only know how to think one way.
they say im fat, i say that too.
they say im stubborn, i stubbornly choose to continue.
but i really don't think i am, most of the time.
they say i have bad friends just by looking on the outer surface,
but how much they know them personally?
they say i follow where the water flows,
i don't have my own goals, true, true, i think so too.
when they are right, im wrong.
when they are wrong, im still wrong. (that's life huh)
when i do wrong, they confirm straight away start saying me.
when i do right, they are busy picking on others and neva take note.

(they is anyone)

they say youngsters nowadays especially from 1990s onwards, are too fragile, cannot go hard way. only soft way. is it very true?

i don't know why but i just get very sensitive when people throw demoralising words at me whereby they are merely joking. i think i damn weak and fragile like a flower. WTF. why can't i just be strong like any other women, be as confident as any other women?

why can't we live life simple-ly like when our parents had during their kampong days? why can't we just be happy with those simple little things we have ? now i kinda understand why people nowadays would result to committing suicide. this world is just too sacry to blend in.

can anyone help me through this? life isn't fun you know.
i just fucking can't stop comparing myself with others!
just by a simple thing today during acting class, i felt that im very much worst than my other classmates and that made me dare not act with their presence.

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY OF BEING MYSELF ? LIKE SERIOUSLY WHY THE FUCK ?

i wanna go back to late night friday drinking (refer to siying,pearlyn,peiwen,alvin,sanyo's blog) where i had friends who i can be myself when im with them, and of course weekends where i had my darling boy.

and today damn stupid, my pants at my buttock area tore a big hole duing acting class, or rather it could be like very much earlier already tore but no one tell me. I DUNNO HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAW IT. but, lucky i had two close classmates who saw and told me straight away.
another stupid thing is that one of my favourite teeshirt dropped from my house service balcony down to a place which is unreachable from anywhere. FUCK BIG TIME!

it's another i-feel-damn-moody-and-down-and-starts-scolding-FUCK post.

this is my first digital matte painting meaning i have an electronic drawing pad and a-pda-a-like pen to draw in photoshop. cool not?

please please please tell me it's a sky of clouds you see cause that should be it. my drawing sucks big time but i felt this is not that bad. hehe!
i hate my gems
i hate my gems
i hate my gems
i hate my gems
i hate my gems
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then, the feeling of I-MISS-HIM-SO-MUCH have striked ):
NICKELBACK - GOTTA BE SOMEBODY

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know their not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
second day of skool! and so far so good. just that i have not got used to the sleep enough and wake up early for lesson mode.

first day was kinda learning how to act. damn cool and funny! everyone in class had fun so did i! (:

as for today, was the slow and nothing to teach 3D lesson which suppose to start at 8am den i woke up almost being very late den rush to skool, reaching 5 mins earlier that i thought. but in the end change to 9am class. sian! but class ended at 12pm. so i ended skool early! headed down to cityhall to look for melissa. she bought stuffs, i bought stuffs. den went to suntec to have lunch where pearlyn came to join us. had a slow eating chit chatting lunch. after lunch walked to marina and walk walk walk till like 5 plus 6, headed home and slackkkkked till now. uploading pics in here too! alot of pics to view later!

ps: LONG LONG POST.

anyways, today's mood like damn sian. cannot explain how i feel. happy yet not very happy. sad yet not very sad either. JUST FEEL UNEASY LA. and darling having live-firing, so no calls for tonite. damn sad ):

oh ya, sat he booked out and we went out suppose to catch movie but ended walking around marina and had long john for lunch. den at nite went to timbre with ex-MITs to drink. went home around 11 plus.

on the next day, sunday, met darling and his family to attend his grandmother's birthday celebration. kinda scary. big family on his father side too! jus like daddy's side. many uncles and aunties to call. they are funny people too (: have yet to really interact with all of them though. yes, he has a very cute little cousin called eunice. she has small pouted mouth with two fishball cheeks! too bad no pics to show la. BUT REALLY A CUTE LITTLE BABY GAL!

so now, for the part about me mention alot of pictures to show.



ps: i started this post at 835pm but i ended off at 1150pm. cool not? haha! in between i went to surf the net too la... oh wells, goody nite people!
when things are on peak, bad things happens.
it's like stock market.
when you're on peak and playing with the wrong shares,
all your stocks go down.
the solution is to let go and suffer a huge lost or to stay on, suffer a huge lost but MIGHT, MIGHT win back what you've lost.

what i really want is to have the kind of shares whereby im have it right and i won't have to worry about losing anything.


i tell you seriously, SINGAPORE GOVERNMENT REALLY GO ALL MEANS TO MAKE SAF SO HIGH END. you noe the whole outlook of the place is like an overseas university? no joke man! and the place is as big as singapore poly or even bigger i think?

if only i can serve NS but no need go trough all the trainings. HAHHA!

THEN I DAMN SIAN SINCE MONDAY! WHY?
cause the stupid brain of mine, slipped the idea of me having to sign for my elective modules on moday 9am! totally forget about it! then i went to another appointment in the nite at 9pm, and i got those sucky modules left to choose from ): so i got into GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOOD. damn siannnnnnnnn cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. now only praying hard that on my next appointment on thurs i can find another better one to replace my current... ):

and thennnnnnnnnnn, i watched housebunny already! with pearlyn drusilla peiwen jialong jiaqing andy leonard and alvin. most of them don't think it's very nice but i think it is! she is a bimbo, but a bimbo who helps bring people out to their best! i likessssss (:

then i say till here. im super looking forward to fri's GROUPIE BBQ PARTY
and DARLING's BOOKING OUT ON SAT!